Tags: game mechanics


Get your kicking boots on!

Dear fellow timewalkers,

Sometimes, it's okay to kick people, I promise.

You don't have to settle in for an absolutely miserable 20+ minutes just because you want to save your precious vote for a rainy day. (Hint: it's bucketing cats, dogs, little old ladies, and harrows. Just to mix my hyperboles here.)

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the altoholic who's seen way too much

Two relateds

Dear tank,

You are a death knight "tank" in Cataclysm level bracket. Things you need to not be doing while death knight tanking: wearing mail, wearing intellect gear, being in frost presence, keeping your back to the boss.

I'm in upgraded heirlooms and up-to-level BoEs, spamming my cooldowns and every oh shit-button I have and I cannot keep you up. You died on every pull up to the first boss, and the boss ripped you apart in one hit and then nommed the rest of the group in short order. As the rest of the group goes whiskey tango foxtrot, I ask if you're new and made a mistake queueing up, because your gear isn't up to this at all, which leads to...

Dear dps,

You told me not to complain because "we can't all be pros". I ask you to inspect the tank. As a clever reply, I get vote-kicked. Whut? Just...whut? I know tanks are hard to come by for leveling dungeons, but is this really what we've come to?

the monk who'll be questing and not healing
Troll Hand

Apparently It's Time For A Refresher Course...

Dear... Pretty much everyone I've run with this morning,

I'm going to see if I can make this as mind-numbingly simple as possible before I yank my leaves out.

See the red stuff on the ground? That's fire. Fire bad. Don't stand in it.
Or the blue stuff. That's lightning. Or ice. Also bad.
Or the black stuff. Sha stuff. Very bad.
Or the purple stuff. More sha stuff. Still bad.
Or the brown stuff. Ground go boomy. Bad.
And when the boss spins around with his weapons. Whirlwind. Very, very bad.


The green circle with the leaves that magically appears under you and makes you stop bleeding from your eyes, armpits, and anus? That's good. Stand in that.
Those super pretty mushrooms that wiggle and shimmy next to you while they whisper psychedelic love songs of a full health bar? They want to be your friend. You should hug them.
The silvery sparkles coming from the ground while the tree stands there swaying with her branches in the air like she just don't care? You want to be in those.

These words? Learn them, love them, live them. They will make me a happy tree. And guess what? You have a vested interest in making me and keeping me a happy tree. You know why? Because when I'm happy, you're happy. When I'm pissed, you're worm bait. Mkay? Mkay.

Your friendly neighborhood tree-Troll
Troll Hand

Reading Comprehension Are Hard

Mirasael - WrA,

You are a screaming moron. Let me see if I can say this any more clearly than I already did.

When you put Levitate on me before Gekkan in Mogushan Palace, you effectively cockblocked me from jumping down with everyone else. The game would not allow me to get over the wall, since it's kinda designed that way. Yes, I know you can jump it, I've done it before, but the thing is, the programmers WANTED us to go through the trash, so getting over the wall can be tricky sometimes, and Levitate does not help this.

My UI did not display Levitate for me to get rid of it and jump down, thereby causing a wipe due to no heals, because I sure as hell will not run through all that trash to get down to the group.

We wipe, and fingers start getting pointed. I say multiple times that I COULD NOT GET DOWN THERE. You decide to hit report for "heals done last fight" to show everyone how amazing you are; of course, you topped the chart. The thing that you've conveniently ignored is that when the healer can't get in the fight, everyone is going to top them. This does not make you some leetsauce shadow healer. This does not mean you have been doing my job better than me the "entire instance". ANYBODY could have out healed me because I WASN'T IN THE FIGHT.

In the time it took for me to figure out where the issue with my UI was, you diva'd-out for me calling Levitate a "useless toy" and rage quit, effectively removing the buff. So... thanks for that.

And just to save you the absolute torment of grouping with me again, you've been given a special spot on the ignore list. You're welcome.

/I got 99 problems, but a diva DPS ain't one of 'em

P.S. - You were replaced within 10 seconds and the instance was finished quickly and painlessly, so no, you're not as invaluable as you'd have us all believe.
Troll Hand

Love That Holiday Spirit!

Dear Alliance Trolls,

Yeah, I know I'm level 90 real Troll, and I know I'm not "supposed" to be chilling in Elwynn Forest, but hear me out! See what I'm wearing? An Elegant Dress with bunny ears. That means I'm not here to start shit or PvP with you. It means I'm trying to be friendly to your buddies and maybe get an achieve of my own.

Yes, I know I'm flagged PvP. That kinda happens when you zone in to a hostile territory. Again, I'm not here to start noise, and the outfit should show that. (And when did that start happening, because I certainly don't remember. ><)

But hey, if you want to come after me and slaughter me in one whole hit to make yourself feel totes awesome, whatever.

And yes, I saw you patrolling Goldshire while I hovered at a safe altitude. I'm not sure what you thought I was going to do, but I'm pretty sure my /golfclap emotes were not what you were hoping for.

/Shaking her bunny-maker

P.S. Where are the Dwarf ladies!? I've seen you before, I know you're out there. Are you hiding because it's the holiday? Please don't. Please come out. I know what it's like to be targeted for your race/gender/class. I have a Troll Rogue. Thanksgiving and I have a grudging tolerance of each other. Come on. Don't be shy. I promise I won't bite. I'll even stand still long enough for you to get bunny ears on a Troll girl or kiss someone in an elegant dress, if that's what you need. Please don't make me beg.
Game - Corax - SymbolBird

Seriously Blizz?

So dailies resetting at 3 am EST was always annoying. But hey, at least the farm and profession dailies reset at midnight, right? A logical time, instead of arbitrarily going off a PST time zone on an EST server? ....oh wait, no, you hotfixed that so everything happens at 3 am my time. Awesome. 4 am during daylight savings, just to rub it in.

But now? I logged in at 5:30 this morning, because I leave for work at 7 am, and won't be home until VERY late tonight (midnight, 1 am?) and will be way too tired then. Aaaaaand nothing's reset. Buuhhhhh? Let's check the Googles!

Google tells me everything now resets at 3 am PST. WTF. Really? Did you decide 3 am EST wasn't arbitrary enough?  Fine. Fine, by now it's 10 minutes till 6, I'll tab out and read Facebook while I wait.

6 am rolls around and my crops start ripening. Awesome! Except...where's my daily to harvest them for rep? ....oh. Dailies reset at SEVEN BLOODY AM NOW because of Daylight Savings Time.

What the hell, Blizz. Screw doing dailies in the morning anymore. (And before anyone tells me "just skip a day, then you can do them in the morning!" I like having the option to do them WHEN I WANT TO DO THEM during the day. Telling half the country "nope, you don't get a choice, pick morning or afternoon/evening" is bullshit.)
Troll Hand

*Squinty Eyes*

"Dear" Zandalari Dinomancers,

You know, I thought we could do this nicely. I'm a Troll, you're Trolls, surely we can be friends! All I want is a book. Just one. You won't miss one, will you?


Oh look, three damn hours later and although I'm thrilled that you're practically throwing the minipets at me, I still just want the book.

So! Since I asked nicely and you're just being jerks about it, we'll go ahead and do this the hard way. By which I mean the "easy for me and terribly, excruciatingly, yes, that is an arrow in your spleen painful way" for you.

/settles in for a rousing game of "Can I Hit That Body Part From Here?"
Jaz, who will have a direhorn


Edit: /Maniacal laughter

Apparently the mobs in question read D_G because I got up this morning, started farming, and got it three kills later! /happy bobble and trying to figure out how this is going to fit in the stables